My Apologies!!

Anyone who knows Nigeria and Nigerians knows that we are very passionate about our dear nation, and go the extra mile to mull over her. We will not be put down or held down. Ask the colonialists, ask the military, ask the Third Termists! Read up on the Nigeria vs Niger Delta conundrum. Ask the so-called "cabal" that held our late President Yar'Adua and his regime by the jugular! Just to add a more current scent, ask our soccer (mis)representatives - the Super Eagles (?) – to the just-concluded FIFA World Cup in South Africa: For earning us such a poor grade, and not rising to the challenge of making Africa proud in the first-ever mundial on African soil, they are being roasted! This, despite our criminal and incriminating absence of focus, bad and improper coordination, the palpable fraud in sports administration - not unlike everywhere else - late and inadequate preparation, and an ageing squad!!

Followers of this site may recall my passion and commitment when all was well. So, for me to be off - sort of AWOL - all these months is the most painful and depressing blow my country has dealt me thus far. Recall, dear friends, that we've had hitches and glitches before: Internet Access wahala. And the usual apologies followed. However, this time, it became very clear that there was a plot to "under-DIGITALize" the nation! The official national carrier, NITEL, had been "cornered" along with SAT-3, the submarine cable. As my preferred ISP and Nigeria's Internet backbone, we have been virtually crippled in the last 20+ months! I got very angry and decided to await the Glo-1 and Main One submarine cables being deployed by some great patriots Mike Adenuga (I told you before) and Fola Adeola (founder of GTB Bank) + Ms Opeke (a Telecoms Amazon). I will revisit this subject sometime soon.

If it cost these firms less than US$1.5bn to land their cables in West Africa, we could have wired up the Whole of Africa with US$5bn a few years back. Yet, Nigeria paid over US$15bn to exit her so-called "external debt", to the London and Paris Clubs of Creditors!! Algeria, Angola, Egypt, Libya, Nigeria & South Africa should have paid US$5bn to put their continent on a 21st Century Internet pedestal, under the proud auspices of the African Union. It would have been easier, cheaper and faster. Thank God for our conscientious compatriots and their likes around Africa, and within the African Diaspora.

Returning to my blogs, and remaining online, was my only condition for re-subscribing to any ISP. I have used most of what was on offer, and, along with other nationals, the story has been sad. So sad. Since you are reading this, it means I'm fairly confident I now have a good deal. Well, I hope!

My apologies to you all. If you had any lashes for my back for going AWOL, spare them: I've groaned under the harshest possible punishment: not being able to "speak" with you, "share" with you, in this privileged and enthralling zone of our Online Commons!!

Jubilee Knocks!

Thank God from both big and small mercies! I am writing with great gratitude myself, as with my
dear country Nigeria, for resuming my blogs on the eve of our Fiftieth Independence Anniversary.
Details will follow on why and how I've been off. But I apologize sincerely.

As I write, there is optimism in the air and in my own heart. If we cannot speak for the past, we can certainly play a worthy part in the plans for the future. These are indeed challenging times, exciting times, momentous moments.

Your humble blogger shall do his bit. May God's Plan be fulfilled for country and citizen in Jesus' Name. Amen.

God bless NIGERIA!

Loot Whot?? It's My Statee's Maaney!!!

Pressman(PM): Your Excellency, do you believe your prosecutors are fair in bringing you to court in this box of a vehicle?
Fmr Governor(FmG): Don't call them prosecutors, suggesting that they are enforcing the law. No, they are distorting the constitution! They are persecuting us. We are accountable to our electorates through the house of assembly. Not to any alien agencies! This is a mockery of true federalism! Period.

PM: But there is outrage in your state on this matter. People are calling for full probe of your regime and associates.
FmG: Who told you so? Those hired scoundrels? Why is it now they are screaming? They should have gone to the legislature during our stewardship.

PM: But they say most governors more or less had those parliamentarians in their "pockets". That's why no state ever probed or even properly supervised the governor or bureaucracy.
FmG: Did they probe or supervise the president? What happened was party supremacy - you toe the party line! And that was how to survive the federal onslaught - the Abuja Demons! Why do you people got automatic tickets for second term? And someone even sought Third Term!

PM: The family affair doctrine, kwo?
FmG: Yes! Now they are looking for scape-goats. They will fail!

PM: You really think so?
FmG: Yes! We're all in this together!! Democracy has now held for eight years. EIGHT good years, do you understand? WE held the states! WE kept things together, and peaceful. WE, the governors DID it, my friend!

PM: But some of your colleagues are already singing, sir!
FmG: Well, they know what orchestra they belong to. I'm not a parrot or musician. We all agreed on true federalism, if they change their tune now, that is their own business. They are playing with fire! They are compounding their case!!

PM: We have seen one conviction already, sir. There are talks about plea bargain in the air, too.
FmG: Na dem sabi wetin dem dey bargain o! Me, I stand on, by, and for true federalism.

PM: So, you don't accept the charges or allegations or even the wide-spread agitations they now elicit?
FmG: Please don't upset me the more. I've had a rough and disrespectful brush with those so-called anti-corruption agencies! What charges? What allegation? Who is agitating? On what???

PM: On the question of treasury-looting, sir.
FmG: Hey, stop calling our tenure by that dirty name! Looting? What nonsense! They money belongs to our people. It is my state's resources, isn't it?

PM: Did you spend it on the state or its populace, sir? After all, there is so much evidence of...
FmG: Stop! Just stop right there!! This interview is over...bloody hell. You journalists are part and parcel of the confusion and witch-hunt...

PM: But sir, is....
Former Governor: (storms off!)

My Apologies

ISP problems and erratic power supply have hobbled most of us here! I deeply regret the poor record of postings on this site. I beg all my readers and patrons for their forgiveness.

I'm now back, and better! I promise to do catch-up rapidly, and relentlessly. Our times are very loaded with swell and sensational nuggets!! I hope to do an entry per week (modest) or per month (heavy)!!!

Stay tuned.

The "100 Days" Blues

Baba: You mean things can move this fast, so fast?
Bobo: Yes o! Which is why I'm surprised at your position.
Baba: Surprised, why?
Bobo: Your time is up, yet you're bent on burning bridges.
Baba: And what are you bent on...to take over despite your disloyalty?
Bobo: After eight years, what more can one give? Haba, Baba, most unfair, fa!
Baba: You see, there you are! Do elders retire until they're tired or fired...in our culture?
Bobo: This is not a culture matter o! This is democracy, constitutional democracy. We both swore to uphold it, remember?
Baba: But that was why we said to conform the constitution with our culture, and you joined our opponents and enemies to scuttle the grand scheme! Betrayer, that's what you are!!
Bobo: It's better to betray Babacrazy than to betray Democracy, sir!
Baba: We shall see. Yes, we shall see!
Bobo: Baba, it's a hundred days to go for us o! Why not give up? Haba!
Baba: We shall see. Is it over until it is over?
Bobo: Now I know! I can see you don't know Nigerians!! You never did.
Technorati Profile

Thou Sayest!

Mum: Junior, why aren't you foo to school? Your mates have all left!
Son: Oh, mum, there is much to bother about...I'll be fine.
Mum: How can you be fine when you're not studying, not striving?
Son: The race be not for the swift but the smart.
Mum: If I did not know better, I'll be floored by such illogic. Oya, off you go!
Son: If you insist, mum.
Mum: I do.
Son: But what is the fuss all about, anyway?
Mum: Education, son, and discipline. Those are the combined ingredients for future success.
Son: I see. I see. I see....
Mum: See what? See...
Son: Is it only for the future or...
Mum: It has always been, will always matter.
Son: Then, how come it didn't matter for dad...his career, accolades; his riches and reach?
Mum: Are you mad? Shut up! A heir must never speak such trash.
Son: Well, we're tackling political case-studies this semester and dad wasn't enthusiastic when he saw the packs.
Mum: Why not?
Son: He said it's all theory, canvassed by hungry academics.
Mum: I obviously have no comment. He's your dad, remember?
Son: Why do you pray so much, then? Missing no faith or spiritual activity?
Mum: For the sake of you lot...especially you.
Son: Me? So I can inherit...
Mum: Yes, of ourse! And...
Son: Then, why bother about education and discipline? Or even...
Mum: Shut up! What..
Son: Is there any future for ...
Mum: I don't want to hear anything else! Just shut up...and obey your dad, okay?
Son: Mum!
Mum: Case closed.

The World on my Mind

Friend: What do you think you are doing?
Foe: What does it look like?
Friend: You are trying to blow up the world? How callous!
Foe: Says who?
Friend: Say our allies and me. What do you need all that means for?
Foe: Self-defence
Friend: Against who, then?
Foe: Anyone, anywhere
Friend: Your people need food, shelter, health care, infrastructure, education...
Foe: Your people need what, then?
Friend: Security
Foe: For how much? At what cost?
Friend: You can't put a price on SECURITY! It comes first, next and last!!
Foe: Exactly!
Friend: Exactly what?
Foe: We won't put a price on SECURITY either. It is too important. The world is a risky place.
Friend: Meaning....
Foe: I've got to go!

Name The Game

Muda: Hey Ikeh, you were on TV again! Pime Time. I was enjoying your robust defence of the economy when your people struck. I mean the power witholding corporation! We were low on diesel, so I refused to put on the standby generator. You were quite articulate, in parts; and totally loyal, in others. As when aren't you, anyway!! So, how did it go?

Ikeh: Yeah. Don't mind those journalists, my brother....They won't leave me alone. I tire o.

Muda: You know how it is, now.....You big shots! Na ya time, biko.

Ikeh: In a way, true. On another plane, tough. Pretty tough.

Muda: I saw your sister the other day, she was looking radiant. How's your mom?

Ikeh: I suppose they're all well...I haven't seen them for a while, now.

Muda: Haba, you bigmen are always over-working, over-travelling. Well, it...


Ikeh: No. Not really. Just that I needed to breathe. It is getting tougher these days.

Muda: I understand. Your father-in-law was on radio last week, praising you and your company. He is really really proud of you. Bravo, friend!

Ikeh: That is the problem!

Muda: What's wrong with that?

Ikeh: By last month, nothing at all. Last night brought home the past.

Muda: What? The rigs or the rigging?

Ikeh: You can't understand. Musa has published his memoirs.

Muda: So? He is a professor...what do you expect? It's never late for a top star like you. So?

Ikeh: He has stirred things. Stoked hidden embers. Set tinders. Opened vistas. He has...

Muda: Wait a minute, the guy is an academic...That's his store!

Ikeh: You don't understand. He is making the unmade, and unmaking the made. He is digging the dug, and covering the covered. And uncovering the wide-open, again. Even the...

Muda: You know your problem? Money-making and politics have blurred your school-sense. Musa is a scientist. That is his stock-in-trade. They are never satisfied or tired of exploring, propounding and enquiring. I suppose that's why they're seldom rich.

Ikeh: I wish you're with me! This is katakata. Explosion. Implosion. In fact, atomic bomb!

Muda: Is he now a nuclear scientist? The guy is a bloody biologist, which one you dey!

Ikeh: He has exposed me, don't you understand? He has told it all, can you understand!?

Muda: Understand what? How?

Ikeh: Just last week I was talking about life in the US. Just last week!

Muda: Yes? You were all mates, weren't you? I met you guys on your European escapades, so?

Ikeh: Yeah. That's the point. I never went back. I joined the guys from London, and that was it!

Muda: You're kidding me, right?

Ikeh: No kidding. That's why I avoid our reunions, despite being the highest donor. That's ...

Muda: Stop! Am chocking! What did you say? You mean you've been living the lie? A fake? All this while? Come off it, Ikey. Can't be true!!! What about the, those, all those...I mean, all the...

Ikeh: It is really tough, Muda. Tough.

Muda: Oh my God! Is the book circulating already?

Ikeh: This is actually the second of his three-volume memoirs.

Muda: Oh my....

Ikeh: We could have thought of......

Muda: Buying off an academic? Perish the thoughts!

Ikeh: Sure. I am now the perished. Not the thoughts!!

Muda: I understand.

Ikeh: No, you can't.

Muda: Hmm..