Thou Sayest!

Mum: Junior, why aren't you foo to school? Your mates have all left!
Son: Oh, mum, there is much to bother about...I'll be fine.
Mum: How can you be fine when you're not studying, not striving?
Son: The race be not for the swift but the smart.
Mum: If I did not know better, I'll be floored by such illogic. Oya, off you go!
Son: If you insist, mum.
Mum: I do.
Son: But what is the fuss all about, anyway?
Mum: Education, son, and discipline. Those are the combined ingredients for future success.
Son: I see. I see. I see....
Mum: See what? See...
Son: Is it only for the future or...
Mum: It has always been, will always matter.
Son: Then, how come it didn't matter for dad...his career, accolades; his riches and reach?
Mum: Are you mad? Shut up! A heir must never speak such trash.
Son: Well, we're tackling political case-studies this semester and dad wasn't enthusiastic when he saw the packs.
Mum: Why not?
Son: He said it's all theory, canvassed by hungry academics.
Mum: I obviously have no comment. He's your dad, remember?
Son: Why do you pray so much, then? Missing no faith or spiritual activity?
Mum: For the sake of you lot...especially you.
Son: Me? So I can inherit...
Mum: Yes, of ourse! And...
Son: Then, why bother about education and discipline? Or even...
Mum: Shut up! What..
Son: Is there any future for ...
Mum: I don't want to hear anything else! Just shut up...and obey your dad, okay?
Son: Mum!
Mum: Case closed.

The World on my Mind

Friend: What do you think you are doing?
Foe: What does it look like?
Friend: You are trying to blow up the world? How callous!
Foe: Says who?
Friend: Say our allies and me. What do you need all that means for?
Foe: Self-defence
Friend: Against who, then?
Foe: Anyone, anywhere
Friend: Your people need food, shelter, health care, infrastructure, education...
Foe: Your people need what, then?
Friend: Security
Foe: For how much? At what cost?
Friend: You can't put a price on SECURITY! It comes first, next and last!!
Foe: Exactly!
Friend: Exactly what?
Foe: We won't put a price on SECURITY either. It is too important. The world is a risky place.
Friend: Meaning....
Foe: I've got to go!

Name The Game

Muda: Hey Ikeh, you were on TV again! Pime Time. I was enjoying your robust defence of the economy when your people struck. I mean the power witholding corporation! We were low on diesel, so I refused to put on the standby generator. You were quite articulate, in parts; and totally loyal, in others. As when aren't you, anyway!! So, how did it go?

Ikeh: Yeah. Don't mind those journalists, my brother....They won't leave me alone. I tire o.

Muda: You know how it is, now.....You big shots! Na ya time, biko.

Ikeh: In a way, true. On another plane, tough. Pretty tough.

Muda: I saw your sister the other day, she was looking radiant. How's your mom?

Ikeh: I suppose they're all well...I haven't seen them for a while, now.

Muda: Haba, you bigmen are always over-working, over-travelling. Well, it...


Ikeh: No. Not really. Just that I needed to breathe. It is getting tougher these days.

Muda: I understand. Your father-in-law was on radio last week, praising you and your company. He is really really proud of you. Bravo, friend!

Ikeh: That is the problem!

Muda: What's wrong with that?

Ikeh: By last month, nothing at all. Last night brought home the past.

Muda: What? The rigs or the rigging?

Ikeh: You can't understand. Musa has published his memoirs.

Muda: So? He is a professor...what do you expect? It's never late for a top star like you. So?

Ikeh: He has stirred things. Stoked hidden embers. Set tinders. Opened vistas. He has...

Muda: Wait a minute, the guy is an academic...That's his store!

Ikeh: You don't understand. He is making the unmade, and unmaking the made. He is digging the dug, and covering the covered. And uncovering the wide-open, again. Even the...

Muda: You know your problem? Money-making and politics have blurred your school-sense. Musa is a scientist. That is his stock-in-trade. They are never satisfied or tired of exploring, propounding and enquiring. I suppose that's why they're seldom rich.

Ikeh: I wish you're with me! This is katakata. Explosion. Implosion. In fact, atomic bomb!

Muda: Is he now a nuclear scientist? The guy is a bloody biologist, which one you dey!

Ikeh: He has exposed me, don't you understand? He has told it all, can you understand!?

Muda: Understand what? How?

Ikeh: Just last week I was talking about life in the US. Just last week!

Muda: Yes? You were all mates, weren't you? I met you guys on your European escapades, so?

Ikeh: Yeah. That's the point. I never went back. I joined the guys from London, and that was it!

Muda: You're kidding me, right?

Ikeh: No kidding. That's why I avoid our reunions, despite being the highest donor. That's ...

Muda: Stop! Am chocking! What did you say? You mean you've been living the lie? A fake? All this while? Come off it, Ikey. Can't be true!!! What about the, those, all those...I mean, all the...

Ikeh: It is really tough, Muda. Tough.

Muda: Oh my God! Is the book circulating already?

Ikeh: This is actually the second of his three-volume memoirs.

Muda: Oh my....

Ikeh: We could have thought of......

Muda: Buying off an academic? Perish the thoughts!

Ikeh: Sure. I am now the perished. Not the thoughts!!

Muda: I understand.

Ikeh: No, you can't.

Muda: Hmm..

Lusting After, Lying After

CheeringMan: We can make it.

PressingDent: Sure?

CheeringMan: More than sure. It's a done deal.

PressingDent: No leaks?

CheeringMan: We've flushed out the disloyalists. Including next-door.

PressingDent: Won't that dent me, I mean char us, even hurt our case?

CheeringMan: Since when? Done deal, I say.

PressingDent: Just be sure o.

CheeringMan: Okay, we'll send the dogs....

PressingDent: No, not yet! That will send tails, I mean tongues, wagging.

CheeringMan: Fine, we'll use loud-mouth and see-no-wrong.

PressingDent: Are we covered?

CheeringMan: Armoured and Air, sir! Full cover plus all-round decoy.

PressingDent: Trace-proof?

CheeringMan: Absolutely. Just increase the junkets, no matter what.

PressingDent: My image o! My status o! My story o!

CheeringMan: Haba, lef matter for mathias, sir!

PressingDent: Great. I'm glad you know why you're on board. Great.

CheeringMan: That file, sir...

PressingDent: Don't even say a word. It's approved....with nice extra!

CheeringMan: 'ttion!

PressingDent: Old Soldier never die. You know we're now chiefs, ba!!

CheeringMan: Yes o, kabiyesi...

PressingDent: Please go, before dem close - I mean, cowries and beads.

CheeringMan: Hmmm, what a code. Old Signals never die! Bless you, sir.

WEEK of SIXTEEN Stabs & One FORTYFOUR Stars

CheeringMan: We failed, sir.

PressingDent: YOU failed.

CheeringMan: I mean the PARTY failed. It was some....

PressingDent: Just call the crowd, I won't be dented.

CheeringMan: Isn't it premature, sir? Let tempers cool a bit before...

PressingDent: My junkets, as you put it, are still piling up, I must clear this mess. Fast.

CheeringMan: You sound upset, sir. We tried. Maybe we should have tried the 'plotters'...

PressingDent: That was a stupid plot. It was too reminiscent of....

CheeringMan: Everything was the same, sir. The script, the tenor, and the loud silence, sir.

PressingDent: I'm a democrat!

CheeringMan: The worst of it was the tapes.

PressingDent: Which tapes?

CheeringMan: The confiscated ones, sir.

PressingDent: That dented my image, I mean our human rights, I mean press freedom image...

CheeringMan: Sir, it's part of the failure, sir...

PressingDent: YOU failed, period!

CheeringMan: We all failed, sir. Starting with the script, the faces....

PressingDent: Which faces? What bloody faces?

CheeringMan: The ones that drafted the scheme, drafted the speeches, drafted the youths and not-so-young....then cried and tried to draft the 'evil one' - that's using your post-prison term, sir! That was the beginning of wisdom, and the commando need for action, sir. And the cover-less camouflage, sir - which some stupidly thought was a cover up. Those idiots in the media - not more than ten, or so.

PressingDent: Now you know the truth: They weren't ten, were they?

CheeringMan: Not really, but the media started the whole opposition, didn't they!

PressingDent: You're asking me that stupid question? After all you've done or not done? How can I read the media or listen to their idiotic, negative coverage and shallow reports? Besides, I have a full international plate to deal with. Just too much for one man. And they don't care, don't understand or even appreciate!

CheeringMan: I also don't read or listen to them.

PressingDent: Whaaaat!! You say whaaat??

CheeringMan: Yes o! It just builds up one's blood pressure. They are evil!!

PressingDent: I see. What a waste.

CheeringMan: Sir?

PressingDent: Total waste.

CheeringMan: By the dent, sir?

PressingDent: Bad shame.

CheeringMan: You mean by pressing too far, sir?

PressingDent: All the cheers, in vain.

CheeringMan: But we are in power, sir. And I can...

PressingDent: Please, summon the meeting. I must stop the coming jeers!

CheeringMan: Yes, sir. I understand.

PressingDent: Maybe. Maybe not. Call my ADC.

CheeringMan: Yes, sir.

World Prosperity and World Peace

President Reach: Why aren't you on board this treaty on democracy and rule of law? It is good for your people, you know.

President Pour: What else will it give me? Leave my people alone. I am democracy, I am the law. My people are my people. Contained and contented. What's in this for me?

President Reach: A lot of prestige in the commity of nations, and....

President Pour: But I already have that. All the banks and realtors bow when I sneeze. Your best experts are on my payroll. And I have just booked another fleet of the best jets and limos. Is this treaty adding anything new to the offshore offerings...if you know what I hint?

President Reach: Oh, my colleagues are working on something comprehensive in that regard. In fact, the G8 will soon ratify its basic instruments. One or two countries are about finalizing their internal rumblings on the slices to their treasuries...if you know what I mean?

President Pour: That sounds exciting. Would we now be receiving interests rather than, well, paying commissions to those suckers? They're fleecing us!

President Reach: Pardon me?

President Pour: It's strange, isn't it? Our countries pay interests on loans, we, their valued customers, pay them huge commissions on our deposits! They say their vaults need the grease for creaking at the hinges...if you know what I mean?

President Reach: Oh, I see! Actually, the new deal is good for your people, and better for you. Soon, you'll see what I mean.

President Pour: Wow! How?

President Reach: The banks and realtors will be given incentives to whistle-blow. Your own burden of commissions will be over. Your people's load will be lightened. And our own image will be laundered. Some all-round glitters, I must say.

President Pour: You can't dare that! That will be trechery, betrayal, evil, stabbing and hurtful to all concerned! You will regret this.....you traitors!

President Reach: You can accuse us of anything, even everything, but not betrayal. We had no pact with ....

President Pour: You aided and abetted! Why did you allow...

President Reach: Free Enterprise...

President Pour: Free, my foot! You will pay for this. Do you know how much dent it will do to your .....

President Reach: We have an idea. There will be a formal apology to the citizens on all sides, and full restoration under a UN Mandate. Then, we'll see what next.

President Pour: We will block...

President Reach: Don't bother, we have it all under wraps in at least seven existing treaties and conventions. Water-tight, I dare say.

President Pour: You're bluffing, right? You guys want...

President Reach: Don't start! Have a great weekend...if you can.